The war has ended... no, Jacob did not give in on Saturday like we expected. As a matter of fact, he kept getting more encouraged that he could make it the entire 4 days. At one point on Saturday, he actually said "It's only three more days, Mommy, I can make it." You see, Jacob has an amazing imagination... so putting him in his room without any toys really didn't do anything. He just made up things to do in his mind. He is also much more intelligent than we usually give him credit for... he was able to reason that his friends would come back one day to play football and Rock Band, so he would just play with them then. Yep... he can actually think beyond today.
So how did it end???
I started to wonder if maybe there was a texture issue... perhaps it was not necessarily the taste, but the texture of the beans that was bothering him. In some ways, I can relate. After Jacob was born I developed a dislike of oatmeal. It's not that I don't like the taste... I LOVE oatmeal... but after he was born, I couldn't stand the texture. Anytime I tried to eat it I would gag. Anytime Jacob tries to eat beans, he starts to gag.
Instead of continuing the war, we decided to give peace a chance by means of substitution... Instead of 4 beans, Jacob was given the choice to eat a whole bowl of salad, which he eagerly consumed. He then threw away the four beans and symbolically threw away the bad choices he made.
In some ways we feel like we caved... but the punishment was not serving the purpose that we had hoped (plus we were all miserable... including Andrew - he just wanted to play with his little brother). Jacob has to go back to school today, and he's going to get to play then, so what's the point? The big punishment was not getting to play with his friends on Saturday... and that really didn't do much to phase him. So, we're back to square one. We need to find out what's going on in his little mind that makes him so strong-willed, so we'll be seeking some advice from professionals. We don't want to crush his personality, because it could definitely help him as he gets older... but we do need him to listen and follow directions. Fortunately, he seems to do fine at school and with other people... he just tests us at home. It could also be him reacting to us bringing Katelyn home. Although he loves his little sister, I do think it has been hard for him not to be the baby anymore.
Since the salad substitution last night, Jacob has been a little angel. Wonderful manners, sweet smiles, lots of hugs... and Scott and I actually slept much better. This whole parenting thing is like an experiment... sometimes our hypothesis is proven correct, but more times than not, it is challenged and we have to go back to the beginning and find out what went wrong. In the end it won't be about what wars we win or lose... it'll be about our kids growing up to be adults that can contribute to society and serve their purpose in life.
4 comments:
It really is all about picking your battles isn't it?? I'm glad it turned out as well as it did. Here's to a great week ahead!!
Tough love from me. Pick your battles. I let the boys eat nothing vs. having to eat a specific food. Ok, if they don't eat real food, no junk or snacks until a protein goes in, but they won't let themselves starve. Also they are given the opportunity to look at food they won't eat. Just because I know they won't eat it doesn't mean I don't put it on their plate.
On discipline, it sucks being a parent! But I like the compromise you met! Salad for beans is still a win nutritionally. I don't like caving in, but I don't think you really did, you showed an acceptable alternative - Kuddos! And yeah, I let Zander where his swim suit to school, just not a worthy fight. But when it comes to using sissors or feet on the table, then they know I'm not to fight with.
You are doing great!
I don't see the salad substitution issue as 'caving' - it is, essentially, an element of a skillfully crafted peace treaty in the Great Bean War - a treaty which accomplishes a greater good for all mankind.
Perhaps you should be a representative at the UN - New York is nice this time of year.
In the end, Jacob will likely be a great thinker and leader.
Oh and I hate beans (kidney, lima, black, refried, etc). Always have, always will and it's always been a texture thing.
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