Just when we thought things were going well, BAM, separation anxiety hits...
Yes, you're correct, most of the time separation anxiety happens during the second half of a child's first year of life. This isn't necessarily the case, though, with children adopted as toddlers. Although we don't know all the details of Katelyn's first two years, we do know that she was in a foster family for well over a year. Her foster care sponsorship started in May/June of 2006, and we believe she was removed from foster care in November of 2007. That means she was there from 3 or 4 months old till she was 21 months old. She would have been at the orphanage for about 6 or 7 months before she was brought to us.
During her time in foster care she probably got very attached to her foster mom, and she probably grieved when she was returned to the orphanage. This may be why she looks so sad in her referral pictures (as they would have been taken shortly after returning to the orphanage). We do know that she eventually adjusted to orphanage life and made some friends, and we were also told that she got very attached to her caregivers.
Needless to say, we totally upset her little world when we met her for the first time. She did cling to me pretty good after she was with us for an hour or so... and she did not want to go back to the caregivers that brought her to us... but I'm sure she was totally confused and had no clue what was going on.
Now that she's been with us for 5 months, I think she has finally formed an attachment with me that now results in some separation anxiety. She even screams sometimes when Daddy takes her from me (like on Wednesdays when I teach choir). Yes, she knew I was "mom" from day one, but I don't think the word "mom" really took on meaning to her till more recently. I can tell from the way she comes over to cuddle with me that she does view me as more than just a passing caregiver... and this just started happening within the past month or so.
So now we're dealing with what most families deal with when their child is about 5 or 6 months old. Unfortunately, the sweet little "oh, baby just wants his/her mommy" isn't so sweet when it's an almost 3 year old that is kicking and screaming and won't participate in physical therapy! I did end up leaving the therapy room because she wouldn't let go of me and do what she needed to do. Instead, the therapists are working with her to get her to trust them and do what she's told. She has been so good during therapy for the past 2 1/2 months... but now we're taking a huge step backwards while we try to get her to realize that it's ok. Yes, that means that the $300 per session sessions aren't very therapeutic right now, but that's what we have to do. It also doesn't help that Katelyn is quite stubborn and is very into saying "no" right now... but this too shall pass.
4 comments:
Hang in there, my dear friend. I had no idea that Katelyn was with a foster family. That certainly makes her previous life alittle more complicated. Over the last month, we're back to Josie only wanting me for comfort. We had seen huge progress but since the bedtime bottle routine stopped, she's regressed with separating from me. Thank goodness Chris is the one that does daycare dropoff in the morning. It will kill me. Please know that I'm thinking of you. Boy, I wish we lived closer. HUGS!!
We're right there with the separation anxiety - JMei is now in pre-school and each day, it's trauma/drama when I hand her off to the teacher. She calms down in about 30 seconds - watched her through the observation window.
Great seeing your tribe the other night and being able to spend some time with your wonderful family!
The attachment issues ebbs and flows. I think we are in it for life. I'm just hoping the boys move out before they are thirty. No really, my bio, almost 4 year old has been fine with starting preschool until this week. Suddenly he wants to know why he has to go everyday?
I hear you on the change in attachment. Tyler knew I was mommie from day one, but he trusts me more daily.
Came over from Kim K's blog. So glad I did. We too adopted an almost-three-year-old. She is 3 now and we have similar stuff going on. She has been home a little over 2 months but got attached a bit quicker b/c she went into the hospital for OHS the day after we got home. :) I am going to put your blog on my blog list if that is OK. It is good to hear about others who have adopted older toddlers. I would not change it for anything but we do have unique challenges AND triumphs! DH and I have said if we go back, we will request 3 or older. :) Thanks for sharing.
Post a Comment